Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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