and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Found your dick twin last night
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
