the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Randomize
