Three words: puerto rican gang bang
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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