Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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