Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
