now i know why i became what i already was.
I've blown a few things in my day
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
