She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I have tasted many bathrooms
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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