Whatcha textin bout Willis?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize