All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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