I can text with my tongue
i just google imaged poop.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
