Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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