So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
