I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
