So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
