i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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