so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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