I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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