i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
