girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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