if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
