Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize