I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize