The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
