Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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