So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
