I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Randomize
