I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
