Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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