I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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