Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
being pregnant is like rehab
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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