You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
