my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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