I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
