apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
