I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
