She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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