Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(607): View more from New York

: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?

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(563): View more from Iowa

I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.

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(719): View more from Colorado

I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.

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(425): View more from Washington

come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee

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(509): View more from Washington

walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes

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(606): View more from Kentucky

I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.

(812): View more from Indiana

That makes no sense, but good luck

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