We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Did I show you my penis last night?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
