it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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