I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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