when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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