WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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