Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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