You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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