I was born with a shot glass in my hand
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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