I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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