My nipple is on Facebook.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Randomize
