You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
