Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
