If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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