Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize