lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
