I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My dick has a subreddit
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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