my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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