What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
