Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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