Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
