do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
It's never too late to be topless.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
