Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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