I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
