Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
