I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
