The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
