Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
