Can i not drive my cunt home
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
