Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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