I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
