I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
