i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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