Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
