...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
