I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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