It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
