I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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