apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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