I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
