the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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