I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
